


Words That End in "shun"

by georgeodowd



Category: The Tick (TV 2017)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Sexplanations, questionable roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-12-25 16:57:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18265547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgeodowd/pseuds/georgeodowd
Summary: Arthur catches the Tick watching a DVD from his secret stash of porn (okay, it's one DVD, give him a break!), and wonders what exactly the Tick knows about all things sex. A lot of awkward conversations follow, but of course... demonstrations speak louder than words.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure what to say here, or how to explain this thing that happened. I haven't written fic in about 10 years, and I was never very prolific even then. But then this happened. I'm profoundly sorry.
> 
> This is an unbeta-ed mess, so any mistakes are my own.
> 
> I'm planning on 8 or so chapters; most of it's already written, so it should be up fairly quickly if you're WIP-averse. Also, it will go into the mature content territory in chapter 2, and possibly even the explicit realm, if you're here for that. If you're not, well, chapter 1 it is, chum!

There were certain things you couldn't help but wonder about when your roommate was questionably human. Arthur usually didn't let himself think too long on this subject. After all, the Tick liked to eat as well as anyone, and his thirst for Capri Suns was legendary. Whether or not those things came out the other end, well…. Arthur tried his best not to know.

Arthur slammed his backpack onto the counter, letting his frustrations out in a huff.

"Rough day there, little buddy?" Tick's booming voice said from the living room.

Arthur slouched in to find him sprawled on the couch, the news on the TV screen at a low hum. "Just a lot of stupid last-minute paperwork on that Fritz account I told you about," he said, perching on the couch’s arm.

"Oh, that's the one with the forty-one K's!"

"No Tick, 401Ks."

"Ah. I wondered why anyone would need so many Ks!"

Arthur was long past the point of the eyeroll, or even shaking his head. Instead, he let the corner of his mouth twitch up slightly. "No one needs forty-one Ks, Tick," he said softly. "Forty, maybe."

Tick huffed out a laugh and threw an arm around his chum's shoulders. "There's that beautiful sense of humor! Come here. You know what you need?"

"No Tick, I really don't need a hug right now. I think I'm just going to go lie down."

Arthur could feel the Tick's face fall without even looking at him.

"Perhaps a horizontal hug? I'm very good at those."

"I- I'm sure you are Tick, but I kind of need to decompress for a bit. I'll be out for dinner, okay?" He leaned out of Tick’s grasp and made his way to his room, Tick at his heels.

"I am also really good at decompression."

"Tick, you don't even know what that means.” Arthur spun in the doorway to his bedroom. “Look, remember what we said about boundaries?”

Tick looked like a kid whose candy had just been stolen. "Boundaries is when you go in your room and shut the door. And I stay out here."

"Yes, right Tick. Exactly. Just for a while. Humans like me need to do this to stay healthy. You want me to be healthy, right?"

Tick immediately brightened. "Of course, Arthur! You do all the decompressing you need! I'll be right here waiting for your cheerful little visage to reappear."

‘'Right. Be out for dinner. And don't start cooking without me."

"Yes. Supervision! One of those other “shun” words!"

"Exactly. Bye Tick."

Arthur shut the door with a soft click and let out a whoosh of air. All he wanted to do was collapse onto his bed and let his head sink into the soft pillow and close his eyes for a while. It would be a miracle if Tick would let him actually get an hour's nap without waking him with a giant crash or an excited whoop of justice, but he was prepared to try.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur catches the Tick watching porn, and evasive maneuvers begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look, there's more! Again, unbeta-ed, yadda yadda.

Arthur’s eyes cracked open. Something was wrong. He could feel it in his gut. The light was almost gone from the sky, spilling a murky gloom into his bedroom. He strained his ears, trying to catch a hint of noise. Did Tick go out on patrol without him? His gut clenched alternately in relief and disappointment.

  
But no. There was the faintest of sound filtering under the bedroom door now. The kind a conscientious, normal roommate would make just by existing. Was Tinfoil Kevin over? Maybe Tick went out to get snacks, now that dinnertime was long past.

  
Arthur checked his phone on the bedside table. It was already 12:30 in the morning. He'd really conked out hard. He sat up quickly, still dressed in his work clothes, and groaned at the stringer of saliva that dripped from his chin onto his favourite grey chinos.

  
His stomach rumbled in protest at missing dinner. Something felt off. Tick would have woken him by now. What was going on?

  
Arthur slunk out into the hall, where he could see the dancing glow of light from the tv screen on the wall - recently patched, thank god. Overkill owed Dot a favour, and what do you know? The punk was handy with drywall.

  
Arthur was about to call the Tick's name, but something stopped him. Whoever was sitting so quietly on the couch could not be the Tick. _His_ sheer presence made noise, like a low hum of pent up energy that never ran out. Whoever was in front of the TV was holding themselves still with an intense concentration Arthur didn't believe Tick capable of. When he rounded the corner, he never wished himself more right.

  
Tick it was. But the broad blue back was not what caught Arthur's attention and held it. It was the screen of the television. On it, two well-oiled muscly men were doing the horizontal tango. Only they were standing up, one of them bent over a table, whining relentlessly in rhythm with the other guy's thrusts. Arthur choked a little bit and stepped back, his shoes hitting the protruding corner of the wall.

  
Tick immediately froze and stood up so fast the couch tipped over backwards.

  
Had he been…? No. No way.

  
“Arthur!” He said in a cracked voice.

  
“Is this what you do?” Arthur choked out. He didn’t know where the words came from. “When I'm asleep? Is this what you do?”

  
He'd never seen the Tick look so shocked. “Chum! I don't even know what I was watching! You've got some strange dvds in your collection.”

  
“My… what? That's not… no!” Arthur sputtered. “Tick, I don't… I don't have those kind of DVDs. Where did you…? You know what? Never mind. Let's just… let's just pretend this didn't happen, okay?”

  
The Tick grabbed the remote and shut off the TV, leaving them both in an awkward silence, lit only by the moonlight filtering through the window. “Okay, chum.”

  
Arthur paused, the question eating away at him until it burst out. “Did you even know what that was? What was going on?”

  
Tick shook his head mutely, but his face was twisted, eyes wide.

  
“Tick, are you lying to me?” Arthur asked quietly. He didn't even think the Tick could lie.

  
Tick shook his head again.

  
“Tick, this is… this is probably something we should talk about.” Arthur sighed. “You know I'm not mad at you, right?”

  
“Of course, Arthur,” Tick said, his voice stiff and at an indoor level for the first time in weeks.

  
“Did you… did you like what you were watching? Because it's okay if you did. I mean, I was kind of wondering if you…. It's really no big deal, you know that, right? Everyone has those feelings. I mean, well, not everyone, but most people do. And it's totally okay and normal. I mean even I…. Well, okay, let's not talk about me. And that's so not my DVD, whatever you're thinking. I mean, maybe Tinfoil Kevin….”

  
Tick, sensing an opportunity to step in and save the day, stepped forward. “Arthur. Chum. You're rambling.” He thumped a hand on Arthur's shoulder. “It's okay! You're okay! We're both okay! It was just an honest misunderstanding! Let's call it a night and I'll return Kevin's filthy DVD in the morning!”

  
Arthur blinked up at him, utterly confused but also utterly embarrassed and ready to retreat to the safety of his bedroom. What he hadn't told Tick, of course, was that that DVD did indeed belong to him, and he would have admitted it, if he were the bold adventurer Tick made him out to be. But he was simply terrified, useless Arthur, and so his fantasies stayed safely in his mind where no one could ever discover them. He’d honestly forgotten that DVD even existed, but it had been stashed in an unmarked case at the very back of the DVD cabinet. Tick must have been curious, or desperate for something new to watch.

  
“Good plan. Goodnight Tick!” Arthur called as he backtracked down the hallway, unable to meet Tick’s steady blue gaze.

  
It was a testament to the strangeness of the night that the Tick did not try to follow him to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation deepens the following morning, as Arthur attempts to explain sex and fails miserably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically going to be a bajillion words of absurd banter. You're welcome.

The next morning, Arthur woke feeling sticky with dread. He stumbled into the shower, musing on the fact that he didn’t even know if his blue roommate took showers. He had done the best he could to pretend Tick wasn’t even there most of the time, because it was the only way to make the arrangement bearable. The rest of the time, Tick was undeniable in his presence simply by the noise he made, the disaster in his wake, and the sheer amount of space he took up in the tiny apartment.

Did Tick get smelly and gross if he didn’t bathe? Did he bathe in his suit? Could he even come out of his suit? Arthur had never thought to ask these questions - not out loud at least - and not least of all because whatever answers he might get from Tick would probably be useless evasions or flat out ignorance.

But now, after last night, he had to wonder. Maybe even out loud.

“Tick, do you even know what sex is?” he asked before he could stop himself, walking into the kitchen and pulling up a stool at the kitchen counter.

“Do I know what…!” Tick boasted, sloshing a full glass of orange juice onto the floor.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, wincing internally at the stickiness he’d never be able to scrub completely away.

“Well of course I….” Tick hesitated, then his face fell. “No. No, not really. Should I?”

“Uh….” Arthur let his jaw hang open for a beat. That was a difficult question to answer. What if he had to explain the mechanics of it to Tick? What if he got it into his head that he wanted a demonstration? Or to try it himself? That led to all kinds of uncomfortable feelings happening deep inside of Arthur’s gut. “Well, you know what you were watching last night….”

Tick’s face clouded over the way it did when injustice reared its ugly head in his presence. “I thought we agreed to never speak of that again.”

Arthur looked to the side. “Yes, but. Well. That… that was sex Tick.”

“That tragic, barbaric act of two men beating each other senseless with their pelvises?”

Arthur blinked. “Um.”

“What a ridiculous display of domination! I’ve never seen anything like it. Who did they think was going to win that one?” Tick guffawed.

“Uh, yeah, Tick, that… that wasn’t really the point. They weren't trying to win. They were… trying to get off.”

“Get off? Get off of what? The table they were destroying with their senseless brutality?”

“No. No, Tick. Get off like….” Arthur rubbed his forehead. “Like when…. Have you ever…?” God how did he even describe this? “Tick, do you ever get… excited? Down… there?” Arthur gestured vaguely in the vicinity of the dishwasher.

“Does my dishwasher ever get excited?”

Arthur had to pause to make sure this wasn't a euphemism Tick had picked up on the street. “No, Tick. No. Your… thing. You know. Where you… when you drink a lot of Capri Suns?”

“Ohhhh!” Tick’s face lit up and he chuckled. “I know what you mean chum!”

Relief flooded Arthur. “Oh, thank god. Does that ever… you know… sort of… uh. Get a bit larger?”

Tick frowned in confusion. “Why would it do that?”

“Like when you were watching that… when you were watching tv last night. Did you feel anything funny happening?”

Tick’s face closed down again. “Noooo….” He said, trailing off.

“Oh. okay. Well. You don't really need to worry about it then.” Maybe Tick was asexual. Maybe his kind didn't reproduce sexually. Maybe he'd just forgotten how sex worked for… whatever he was, and it was so obscure or bizarre no human would ever guess.

“I do worry Arthur,” Tick said softly. “I do worry.”

“About what?”

“That I'm being left behind on this strange blue ball of dizzying humanity. That there are things I'll never know about myself.”

Well, that was out of left field. “What?” Arthur said.

“I know I’m not always what you need, little chum.” Tick was being unusually morose, and Arthur couldn’t help but feel that it had something to do with the conversation that he’d just derailed.

“What are you talking about? You… you don’t have to be what I need. You’re just my friend.”

“Just your friend?” Tick looked up at him with those big blue eyes wide.

Arthur’s brow furrowed. “Yeah? Is that bad?”

“Partners, Arthur! I thought we were partners!”

“Well, I mean, yeah, we are. Of course. I just meant, you shouldn’t feel obligated to be anything you’re not. You’re great just the way you are.”

Tick couldn’t help but smile at that, all polished white teeth. “So are you, Arthur, so are you.”

Arthur prepared himself for the inevitable hug that followed these sorts of exchanges, but Tick stayed where he was, leaning against the sink, glass still dripping orange juice over one hand.

“Tick, does your suit ever come off?” It was the wrong time to ask that question, given their earlier topic, but it was out before Arthur could stop it. Sometimes he thought living with the ultimate No-Filter Fred was rubbing off on him.

“My suit?” Tick’s face melted from astonishment into amusement. “What a funny question, chum! Is the suit me, or am I the suit?”

“You’re the Tick,” Arthur said, clarifying.

“I am!”

“But you never take the suit off, do you? Can you?”

Tick’s brow creased. “I’m not sure. Do I need to?”

“I just…. No. No, of course you don’t. I mean, I don’t think you do. Do you? If I wore a suit all the time, I’d start to stink after a while, that’s all.”

Tick cocked his head. “Do I stink?”

“I… don’t think so,” Arthur conceded. “I mean, I’ve never smelled you. Not like, that kind of smell.”

Tick turned his nose to one shoulder and sniffed. “What do I smell like Arthur?”

The phantom smell filled his nostrils suddenly, surprisingly powerful, memory drawn from the hugs and waking up to Tick snuggled next to him in bed before Boundaries became a thing. “Like… a bit metallic. Rubber? I’m not sure. You just sort of smell like you, Tick.”

“I smell like me,” Tick repeated with great satisfaction. “You are a wise one, aren’t you? Tell me something, Arthur, what do you smell like?”

“Uh, Tick, I don’t know? It’s kind of hard to smell yourself, because you smell yourself all the time, and so you don’t really smell like anything… to yourself.”

“I know!” Tick moved forward suddenly, letting his glass crash onto the countertop. “I can smell you!”

“Oh, uh, Tick, I don’t know.” Arthur couldn’t even blink before he was caught up in Tick’s arms, Tick’s nose buried in the crook of his neck.

“You smell like dandelions!” Tick announced. “And kittens!” He set Arthur back down, still holding his arms. “And maybe… just a little bit like a big stinking ball of courage!”

“Courage?” Arthur winced. “I don’t think courage has a smell, Tick.”

“Of course it does! It smells like you, my tiny friend!”

“Sure, okay. Look, I’m going to be late for work if I don’t get a move on. Are you going to be okay by yourself today?”

“Of course,” Tick said. “I will be musing upon Justice. And you. Just like every day.”

“Uh, sure, okay, good. I’ll be home at the usual, okay? Stay out of trouble.”

“Only if trouble stays outta me!” Tick replied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The absurdity grows as Arthur once again catches the Tick in front of the TV, this time in a bit more of a compromising position.

Arthur was home late that night. It was tax season, and he had forgotten that Jergen was an insufferable jerk when the piles piled up, and the only way to get any actual work done was to stay late, after Jergen had gone home.

“Hey Tick, I’m home!” he shouted as he came through the door, hanging up his coat and letting his backpack drop below it.

The lights were all off, except for the glow of the TV bouncing off the walls. A sense of deja vu tickled up Arthur’s spine as he crept closer. “Tick?”

The same broad blue back greeted him from the sofa, but this time, Tick’s head was thrown back, a series of soft pants coming from his mouth. His hand was a blur at his waist, and Arthur watched in horror as he stroked furiously at something sticking out of his suit.

On the screen was the same porno, this time with the two guys in a basic missionary position, going to town, leather harnesses creaking.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Tick panted.

Arthur’s eyes grew round. Tick was…. He…. 

Arthur fled to the bathroom, slamming the door, his own breath coming in short, sharp gasps. Had Tick been having him on the whole time? Was he really a horndog with a secret love of porn, and the whole stupidly innocent gag was just for show?

There was an loud shout from the living room, followed by a satisfied groan. Arthur began to shake. How could he face Tick now? There was no room in his mind for sex and his big blue friend to go together. That opened a whole lot of doors he was really, really better off leaving closed.

“Arthur?” came a shout from just outside the door. “Arthur, I didn’t know you’d come home! Are you in there?”

“Yeah,” Arthur said weakly. “I’m in here.”

“Well why don’t you come out? Why didn’t you say hello? Did you really have to use the loo?”

“I did say hello, Tick,” Arthur said. “I did. You just didn’t hear me.”

There was a long pause on the other side of the door. Then Tick’s voice, much lower and softer than usual said, “Oh. I see. I’m sorry you had to see that, Arthur.”

“What….” Arthur’s voice broke. “What exactly did I see Tick?”

“Just… pruning the ol’ rosebush.” Tick laughed nervously. “Actually, I have no idea what I was doing.”

“Tick,” Arthur said gently. “Tick, what you were doing was, uh, jerking off. People do it all the time. It’s sex. The thing I was telling you about. I mean, it’s a kind of sex. I guess. And the thing that happens at the end. That’s… getting off.”

“What?” Tick breathed from the other side of the door. Arthur heard a soft thump, like his forehead had come to rest on the wood.

“Yeah, that’s… Did you really not know what you were doing?”

“I… I don’t know, chum. I was in a sort of trance. There’s some kind of witchcraft about that strange DVD of Kevin’s. I know I should have given it back to him, but it called out to me, and I could not say no. The next thing I knew, my suit had sprouted a growth that needed immediate attention.”

“You… you had an erection, Tick.” Arthur thought his mortification might actually peel the paint off the walls. “I… I’m not sure I’m the one to have this conversation with you, actually.”

“Who else?” Tick mumbled.

Arthur sighed and cracked the door open. “I don’t know, Tick. I’m no good at any of this stuff. I’m too embarrassed to tell you about the birds and the bees, okay? I’ve never even really done any of-”

“The birds and the bees?” Tick’s face lit up. “That sounds wonderful! Do you think they could tell me?”

Arthur’s forehead creased. “Uh, no. No, Tick. That’s…. No. Look, let’s go find something on the Internet for you to read, okay?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur turns to the power of the interwebs, but the Tick decides the only way for him to fully understand is... demonstration!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is even happening.

Three hours later, and the sun was just beginning make an appearance on the horizon. Arthur was going to have to call in sick to work to sleep this off, but at least it seemed like Tick had the gist of it down. He’d never looked more serious. Arthur was about to take a deep breath and hope they could put this whole thing behind them when Tick turned to him.

“Arthur, do you think I could have my own webpage?”

“What? Wait. What about?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a post office of sorts on the ol’ information superhighway. A place for good citizens to drop anonymous crime tips into my smiling blue yonder.”

Arthur almost choked on the tea he was sipping. _Too soon_ , he thought, unable to keep himself from looking at the the condom demonstration video still playing in the background. Tick patted him gently on the back as he coughed up lukewarm liquid.

“Uh,” he said when he could speak again. “I…. Yeah, okay, sure Tick, we can set you up a website. Maybe later. Right now, I just need to know if you’ve seen everything you need to see, and we can close this subject.”

“What subject?” The Tick smiled benignly at him.

“Sex, Tick. Do you understand now?”

The Tick frowned. “I think so. I’m not sure.”

“Well what don’t you get exactly?”

The Tick shrugged. “All of it.”

“Tick, we just spent like three hours watching videos and reading instructional websites. Did any of it make sense?”

“It was a lot of words, chum. You know what speaks louder than words? Actions!”

This was what Arthur had been worried about. This right here. He swallowed hard. “Wh-what?”

“How about a little demonstration-ee-oh.”

“Um. Tick. I don’t… I don’t think that would be a-”

“A good idea? Nonsense! How else am I to learn about this sex thing you keep harping on about?”

“I’m not- I’m not harping on about it, Tick. Oh my god. No. I- That’s not how it works.”

“Then how does it work?” Tick leaned in. “I’m all ears.”

“Just like in the videos!” Arthur could feel his face flushing, and he suddenly needed to make his escape. “Look, I forgot to take my meds tonight. I’ll be right back.”

He stood up, but the Tick grabbed his wrist. “Did I upset you, little buddy? I thought you said sex was fun!”

Arthur looked down into the wide eyes of his blue companion. “It- it is.” He shrugged and pulled his wrist away. “Look, it can be. I don’t know. But not all the time. Not with everyone. It has to be the right person. And the right moment.”

Tick stood. “Well you are the right person, Arthur. Who else would it be?”

“I - look, I need my meds, okay?” Arthur made his way to the kitchen, Tick following like a shadow. “Sex has to be consensual,” he added as he twisted the cap off the orange bottle by the microwave. “Do you know what that means?”

Tick sounded it out, then smiled. “Nope, no idea.”

Arthur sighed. “Look, it means both people have to want it, in that moment. If they don’t, it’s really, really bad. It’s like when….” He shook his head, remembering that confusing and upsetting incident in Dangerboat’s shower.

“Like when, chum?”

“Never mind. Listen, I don’t think I want to have sex. With you. Okay? Don’t take it personally. I just…. It’s just….”

Tick’s antennae drooped. “That’s okay, partner. Do you want to have sex with someone else?” A thought suddenly struck him, and he looked up at the ceiling, scratching his head. “Come to think of it, I think I know someone.”

Arthur spat out a mouthful of water. “What? Who?”

Tick looked him straight in the eyes. “Dangerboat.”

“Oh god, no, no, no.” Arthur turned away. “Not Dangerboat.”

“Why not?” Tick shouted. “He likes you Arthur! He told me himself! He said he was a… mailboat. Though, come to think of it, I’m not really sure what that had to do with it.”

“Tick, Dangerboat is exactly what I’m talking about when I say consensual. He already…. I already…. No. I don’t. I don’t want to have sex with Dangerboat.”

“You already had sex with Dangerboat?” The Tick gasped, the mug in his hand shattering into tiny pieces and raining onto the floor.

“NO!” Arthur shouted. “He tried to…. He touched me… in the shower. With a loofah, and stuff. I told him to stop, and he did, but….” Arthur trailed off into a mumble. “He should have asked first.”

“Touched you with a loofah? Is that part of sex?”

“He tried to touch me… in a special place.”

The Tick’s mouth opened into a perfect round “o”. “Ohhhh. Right. The special place. Tinfoil Kevin touched me there once, too, but it wasn’t for sex. At least, I don’t think so.”

Arthur gave in and let his eyes roll. “I know. He was trying to remove the Big Bismuth.”

“That’s right, Arthur. And it tickled.”

“Tick,” Arthur said, trying to shut this down. “Remember that night when I came home from work and surprised you on the couch?”

Tick’s eyes darted away. “Maybe.”

“That felt good, right?”

Tick didn’t say anything.

“See how nervous you are about it? Well, so am I. I think if I tried to… give you a demonstration, it wouldn’t go well for either of us, okay?”

“Hmm.” The Tick put on his serious face. “I see what you mean, chum.”

“Plus, if your suit doesn’t come off, that kind of limits things.” Arthur could not believe he was even saying this. He tried to imagine the Tick naked, or clothed in human skin, or something. His brain shied away from it. Did the Tick even have hair? Body hair? Arthur’s mind filled with images of a brawny chest covered in dark fuzz, and an unwelcome heat pooled low in his groin. Then he remembered earlier that night. “Wait, part of your suit must come off, because you were….”

“I was what, Arthur?”

“When you….” Arthur crudely mimed jerking off, but the Tick just looked confused.

“Milked a cow? Stirred the biscuit mix?”

“Pruned the rosebushes!” Arthur shouted, suddenly remembering the phrase Tick had used.

“Oh.”

“Not that I was looking. I mean, I wasn’t. But. Your suit must have opened… for that.”

Tick looked thoughtful again. “I see what you mean. In order for me to touch my doodle-bug, my suit must have gotten out of the way.”

“Your… what? Wait, never mind. So did you unzip, or what?”

“Unzip what?”

“Your suit, Tick.”

“No, I….” Tick’s eyes looked off into the distance. “It was just like…. Arthur!” He snapped back to attention. “Can we watch that DVD again? Maybe it will happen again!”

Arthur’s eyes widened. “You want to watch the DVD again? The one with the pelvis fights?”

“Yes!” Tick shouted, already making his way to the living room. “We can find out if my suit comes off!”

Arthur felt himself twitch in the nether regions, and his gut swirled viciously with nerves, but this time, he was the one following along in the Tick’s wake.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to happen!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still writing this, aren't I. This isn't just some terrible nightmare I should have woken from by now.

The porno started out slowly enough, with some sad attempt at a plot as the two men picked each other up in a bar, torn between wanting to start a fight or a makeout session. The makeout session won.

Tick immediately paused the DVD. “Arthur?” he asked, eyes still glued to the screen. “Is that sex, too?”

Arthur’s face felt like it was on fire, and he squirmed in his seat. “K-kissing?”

“Is that what they’re doing? It looks like they’re trying to eat each others’ faces!” Tick pressed play again.

Arthur had to laugh. The Tick was too close, his bulk taking up most of the sofa, pressing his enormous blue thigh and shoulder into Arthur, but suddenly the ridiculousness of it all hit him and he started giggling.

The Tick laughed along, even as he asked what Arthur found so funny.

Arthur couldn’t respond. He just laughed harder, feeling tears form at the corners of his eyes.

“Kissing is hilarious!” proclaimed the Tick.

Arthur giggled harder, sparks of adrenaline shooting up his arms. Tick would want a demonstration of kissing, of course. Not that Arthur had ever considered such a thing. He hadn’t. Not really. Not… consciously. But he was considering it now as the two burly men on the screen ripped at each others’ shirts. One of them took a button in his teeth and shook it like a dog with a chew toy, and Arthur doubled over, spasms of laughter clenching his stomach so hard it was starting to ache.

He couldn’t look at Tick. But he didn’t have to. He knew every inch of that stubbled monolithic jaw much better than he had realised. Maybe because he’d spent so much time staring up at it when they were side by side. He knew those lips, too, the way they curved into a smile so readily, and had no problem shouting at strangers.

Oh crap. It was happening. In his hysteria, he’d somehow become wildly aroused. The front of his pants were growing uncomfortably tight, and he pretended the laughter still had him in his grip so he wouldn’t have to sit back up.

“Oh, Arthur,” The Tick gasped, giggles still shaking his giant frame. “This is more fun than I thought it would be!”

Arthur turned so he could squint up at his roommate and crime-fighting partner. “This isn’t sex, Tick.”

The Tick’s face fell. “It isn’t?”

Arthur closed his eyes tightly for a second, unsure if he’d even have the patience to finish whatever it was that was going to happen between them today. He needed a nap. And some alone time with his hand. Or… whatever was going to happen here. The thought terrified him.

“No, Tick. It’s… not. We haven’t even kissed yet.”

“So kissing leads to sex,” Tick said, pondering this.

“Sometimes. It can? I guess?”

“You don’t sound like an expert in this, chum.”

“I’m not! I already told you, I haven’t exactly….”

“Well one of us has to be the expert, my dear defeated little mothman.”

“Tick, neither of us has to be the expert. We can just….” It was now or never. Arthur could feel the squeeze of courage deep in his gut. The one that made him do crazy, impulsive things like jumping onto buses that were about to fall off of overpasses. “Tick,” he said softly, sitting up and meeting that blue gaze.

The guys on the TV were really going at it now, deeply engrossed in a mutual blowjob with lots of moaning and slurping noises that Arthur had always suspected were dubbed in. He reached out a hand and found the remote on the coffee table and shut off the video. Tick gave him an amused look, but Arthur didn’t drop his gaze. He reached out, cupping the side of the Tick’s face. Tick’s look of bemusement grew, but he didn’t move as Arthur leaned forward, that metallic, rubber, something smell hitting him in the face as he let his eyelids fall shut and he pressed his lips softly into Tick’s.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. We've reached the moment you've all been waiting for. Or dreading. Or both. Buckle up, buckaroos!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like your smut with a large side of cringe, well, tally-ho!
> 
> (I'm so, so sorry.)

“Arthur, that was GREAT!” Tick shouted, nose two inches from his.

Arthur’s eyes shot open and he winced. “Ow, Tick, inside voice, okay?”

“Okay, chum!” The Tick said, now at just yelling-across-the-apartment level. “Wow! You _are_ an expert at this! I can tell!”

Arthur’s face reddened even further, if that were possible. “Oh geez, Tick, I don’t know. Was it that good?”

“Stupendous! We should do that again sometime!”

Arthur chuckled. He’d kissed Tick for the space of two seconds, and already it was like they were going to have to pencil the next one into the calendar. “Do you want to do it now?” Arthur asked, aiming for coy but sounding more like a whiny toddler.

The Tick paused to consider this. “Yes! Yes I would.”

“Oh…. Okay then. Uh. Well. Here goes nothing, I guess.” Arthur leaned in again, Tick’s breath against his face familiar and strange at the same time.

He held the kiss longer this time, letting the details wash over him: the soft scent of their shared mouthwash, the musky heat of Tick’s breath, the way his lips trembled just the slightest bit. Arthur felt himself growing bolder knowing Tick was nervous beneath his bluffs. He pressed closer, lifting one leg and setting it atop Tick’s thigh. He let his lips start to move ever so slightly, not wanting to scare the blue giant away. Tick didn’t seem to understand what was happening, and he sat there immobile, letting Arthur massage his mouth with his own.

At last, Arthur grew impatient and let the tip of his tongue swipe along the Tick’s lower lip.

Tick gasped and jumped. “You licked me!” he cried out.

“Oh. Oh shit, I’m sorry.” Arthur felt mortified and pulled his leg back.

“No!” Tick said, grinning at him. “It was wonderful. Do it again, Arthur! I could let you do this to me all day!” He reached down and grabbed Arthur around the waist and lifted him directly onto his lap.

Arthur let out a small squeak. His pants were so obviously tented, but the Tick didn’t seem to notice. It was easy to swallow down his fear and let lust take over, now that it was out of the carefully guarded box Arthur normally kept it in. He looped his arms around the Tick’s shoulders - so broad his fingertips barely touched - and went back to sucking face.

“Open your mouth, Tick,” he mumbled against his lips.

The Tick complied, and he nearly fell headfirst into the gaping chasm before him.

“Not like that,” Arthur said, wiping saliva off his nose. “Not like at the dentist, Tick. Sorry, I should have said. Like I was doing. Just a little bit open.”

“Oh,” The Tick said, letting his gaping maw close ever so slightly. “Is that better?”

Arthur couldn’t stop his smile. “Yeah, yeah that’s a lot better. Here, let me try again.”

Suddenly he couldn’t get enough. The Tick was stiff and barely responsive, but Arthur sucked at his lips, dipping his tongue inside to taste the other man’s mouth.

“Do my teeth taste good?” The Tick asked after the second foray.

Arthur laughed. “They taste great. All of you tastes great. This is so weird. Oh god. Let’s keep going.”

Kissing was weird, and awkward, and gross, and also amazing, and thrilling, like the drop at the end of the log ride at Knott’s Berry Farm, and Arthur never wanted it to end. But he also wanted more. His groin was throbbing and all he could think about was getting one of those big blue mitts on him to help relieve the ache.

He wasn’t sure how to make it happen in any organic fashion. The Tick’s hands were still on his waist, and they didn’t seem inclined to take any actions on their own. So Arthur reached down and grabbed one and slid it over the front of his pants.

“Oh wow!” The Tick said, pulling back from their kiss. “I didn’t know you kept a weapon in your pants, chum!”

“No, Tick, that’s not…. That’s my…. You know.”

“A crowbar?”

“Uh, I’m flattered, but no.”

“A flashlight! In case you lose your way!”

Arthur shook his head, smile stretching his cheeks awkwardly. “No, Tick, it’s my... doodle-bug.” He figured he could at least keep it in the Tick’s lingo.

“Ohhhh.” A flush of red crept over the Tick’s cheeks. “Oh, why is it…. What happened to it, chum? Do we need to get you some medical attention? That doesn’t seem healthy.”

“No, Tick, it’s…. It’s perfectly healthy. It’s supposed to do that. Here.” He reached down and unzipped his pants, reaching into his boxers to pull out his erection. Even his own touch was enough to get him going, and he had to will himself to not just jerk off right there, in front of Tick.

The Tick licked his lips, an unsure look on his face. “Did… did I do that, chum?”

Arthur grinned. “You did. Do you… do you want to touch it?”

The Tick nodded. “You bet your bloomers I do.”

“Just… just be gentle, okay? It’s really sensitive.”

“Gentle,” the Tick murmured. “Sensitive.” He reached out one bulky blue digit and tapped the head of Arthur’s dick. It quivered slightly. “Oh my.”

“No, here, Tick, like this.” Arthur wrapped his own hand around his shaft and tugged it a few times, his back arching with pleasure. He sighed, then took Tick’s hand and wrapped it around him with his own hand. The cool rubber of his suit was electrifying, and Arthur nearly bit his lip in two. “Yeah, that’s it. Just like that.”

The Tick allowed Arthur to guide his hand up and down, his grip loose and unsure. It wasn’t going to take long. All the things Arthur had refused to let himself think about were rushing into his head, and the sheer intoxicating rush of being here, like this, legs spread wide on Tick’s lap, guiding Tick’s hand up and down his dick, was enough to finish him fast.

His breathing was hard and heavy, and he could feel the sharp tug of his approaching orgasm, when something unexpected happened. The Tick made a small noise in the back of his throat, and the crotch of his suit began… melting away. There was no other word for it. The blue armor over his groin shrunk until there was nothing left, and in its place, a vortex of pale blue began to retract as the tip of a very large penis poked its way out.

Arthur stared, rapt, mesmerized, as the Tick’s erection bloomed in front of him. He was still guiding their hands over his own erection, and without warning, he came hard, shooting stringy spurts over the stomach of Tick’s suit and onto the crown of his dick.

Arthur cried out as he came, one short, sharp, guttural burst, and he squeezed the Tick’s hand as hard as he could onto his dick. It was dizzying, but his focus didn’t waver as he started to drift down from the high.

“C-can I?” he panted, looking at Tick, and then looking down at the glorious protrusion from his suit.

“So that’s where that came from!” Tick said in soft wonder. “Touch away, my beloved little moth man. Touch away.”

Arthur’s fingers were shaking as he wrapped them around the erection in front of him. It was hard and fierce and veined, a dark bluish pink, and it was already christened at the tip with a little bead of moisture. Arthur licked his lips as he used his thumb to smear that droplet over the crown of Tick’s cock.

“Oh…. Oh my, little buddy,” Tick breathed. “That… that feels even better than the kissing. I didn’t think it was possible.”

This gave Arthur an idea, and he scooted off of Tick’s lap until he was kneeling on the ground between his knees. “You know what’s even better, Tick?”

The Tick shook his head, mouth parted.

“When you put the two together.” Arthur bent down, realizing he had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but their little foray on the Internet had been pretty informative, even for him, and he felt like now was as good a time as any to put his education to the test. He wrapped his lips around the head of Tick’s cock, letting the musky, metallic smell overwhelm him. His tongue swirled out, tasting, and then he dove down, wanting to take as much of that pulsing member in his mouth as he possibly could.

The Tick gave a shout, his thighs quivering, but he didn’t push Arthur away or try to get him to stop. Arthur had vastly overestimated his ability to swallow a giant cock whole, and he gagged and spluttered as the tip hit the back of his throat. He pulled off, tendrils of saliva hanging from his lips, and cleared his throat.

“More!” Tick cried out, giving a little bounce in his seat that made the sofa dance and the walls vibrate. “This is marvelous! Don’t stop little buddy!”

“Okay. Okay. I’m just going to have to… go a little slower.” Arthur coughed, but dove back fearlessly to his task.

It wasn’t long before the Tick was making the same panting noises Arthur had heard him make on the sofa some hours ago. One of his hands had come up to rest in Arthur’s hair, gentle, but thrumming with tension.

“Ah, Arthur, I’m…. It’s….” With a triumphant shout, Tick hit his peak, a rush of salty spunk hitting Arthur in the back of the throat.

He gagged, pulling off of Tick with a slick pop, and tried to swallow before it dribbled out of his mouth and onto the rug.

Tick’s eyelids were fluttering, but he tilted his head down to look at Arthur as he gazed back up at him.

“We….” Tick’s voice was strangely breathless. “We’ve got to get you cleaned up little buddy. You….” His eyes went a bit unfocused as he looked down at Arthur, who was flushed and panting, mouth red and wet, with several wisps of cum dripping down his chin. “Ahhhh,” Tick said. “This is…. That is….” His eyes blinked slowly. Once. Twice. Then his head fell back against the sofa and he let out a low sigh.

Arthur got to his feet, wiping his mouth on the back of one hand. He was trembling and his jaw ached and the back of his throat burned and he had absolutely no idea what they had just done, but something was irreparably changed now. Whether it was for better or for worse remained to be seen.

“Tick?” Arthur leaned over, then climbed up on the sofa on his knees. “Tick, are you okay?” Jesus, what if he’d given the big blue goon a heart attack after his first blowjob? _First blowjob in recent memory_ , he corrected himself. Was it possible that Tick had had many sexual encounters before in his life, and just didn’t remember any of it? It was clear now that he was as equipped for these things as any other humanoid out there. _Definitely better equipped than most_ , Arthur amended, his gut still shaky at the memory of that enormous cock spewing into his mouth. Already, Tick’s suit had sealed back over top of it, the armor growing larger as he watched.

Tick stirred, bringing one hand up to rub over his face.

“Tick?” Arthur asked again. “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”

The Tick shook his head, not lifting it off the back of the sofa.

“Oh,” Arthur said, suddenly unsure. “Okay. That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it now. Maybe just… get some rest? Do you want to lie down for a while?” He could feel the sleepless night hitting him hard, and he was already searching for his phone to call into work.

Tick nodded, just once, and then leaned forward, throwing himself to his feet. He wrapped his arms around Arthur from behind, letting his forehead fall onto Arthur’s shoulder.

“Okay, that’s fine. But I need to find my phone, Tick, okay? I have to call in sick to work. Why don’t you go lie down on my bed and I’ll be in in a second.”

Tick squeezed him a little tighter before letting him go, then stalked off in the direction of the bedroom. It wasn’t like him to be so quiet, and Arthur tried to ignore the worry pooling in his gut as he found his phone and let Mr. Fishladder’s receptionist know he’d woken up with a fever that morning. She shrilly reminded him that Monday was the deadline for the Fritz account, and he assured her he’d make up the hours on the weekend before hanging up.

When he got to his room, it looked like the Tick was already asleep, curled up on one side, hand tucked under the pillow where his head lay. But when Arthur peeled out of his slacks and button-down and lay down next to him, Tick reached out an arm and drew him close, snugging his nose into Arthur’s neck.

Arthur lay there for a long time, staring at the ceiling, trying to grow used to the feeling of all that hard armor pressing into the delicate flesh of his body. Eventually, he passed into oblivion.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an ending to this wild ride! Arthur and Tick have a ‘talk’, and more discoveries are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEASON 2 AMIRITE. Honestly I had a hard time convincing myself to slap an end on this, because I’m basically allergic to finishing things, but all the lovely comments (GUYS DON’T ENCOURAGE ME) finally made me cough this up. It's, uh... really long. Like out of control long. Honestly, I told myself I couldn’t re-watch season 2 unless I finished this, so, uh, you’re welcome? NOW ONTO LOBSTERCULES REDUX (seriously, the co-parenting thing. And that chat about DB. I can’t even). Okay, I’m done now. (OR AM I)
> 
> P. S. Right after posting this, this link showed up on my FB feed and I literally can't even I'm CRYING: https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/9kx5d3/insect-penis-dildos-joey-holder-evolution-spermaledge

Arthur woke up slowly, like climbing out of a deep well, worrisome thoughts swirling all around him. The mellow light of late afternoon hit his eyes as they cracked open at the sound of his phone ringing in the living room.

He tried to sit up to go and get it, but a heavy weight around his chest strapped him to the bed. Anxiety shot into his system as he struggled against the restraint, thoughts of abduction and mad scientists flooding his brain. His breath came in shallow, panting gasps.

“Mmpfh,” growled a deep voice next to his ear. “Chum?” The Tick’s voice was rough and sleep-worn.

It was just Tick’s arm, Arthur realized, draped over his chest and weighing him down. He squeezed his eyes tight for a moment to purge the dreamlike residue and then turned his head to the side. The Tick was sprawled front-down next to him, his face turned towards Arthur and his antennae tickling his forehead.

“My phone,” Arthur wheezed.

“Is that what that melodic mystery is?”

Arthur tried to push Tick’s arm off his chest, but it wouldn’t budge. “Tick, let me up. I have to answer it. It might be someone important. Or Dot.”

“Dot can wait, chum. We have some talking to do.” There was something different in Tick’s voice that made Arthur forget about the phone ringing.

He tried to sit up again, to no avail. “Tick? Can you let me sit up? I don’t want to talk like this.”

“Will you stay and talk?” Tick asked softly.

“Y-yes. I will. I just need to sit up. I’m kind of panicking here.”

The arm lifted, and Arthur gasped in a deep breath, scooting backwards up the pillows as he did so. He turned to face Tick then, afraid of what he would see in his eyes. They were wide and creased faintly with worry, a bit bloodshot from recent sleep.

“Did we mess everything up?” Tick whispered, and it went straight to Arthur’s heart.

“What? Tick, no. No, of course not. What makes you think that?”

“Those men in the DVD weren’t friends, chum. They didn’t even like each other. At the end they went their separate ways, never to see each other again. You won’t go your separate way now, will you, Arthur?”

“Oh geez. No. Tick. That was just…. Look, that isn’t how it has to work, okay? You can do those things with someone you want to stay with for a while. I think it’s better that way. And I- I want to stay with you. For a while. A... long while. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable, and we never have to do that ever again- ”

“Never again?” Tick interrupted.

“What? I mean, if you don’t want to.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh.” Arthur blinked. “Okay. So you… want to do that again.”

“Of course!” Tick’s face broke into a grin for the first time that morning.

Something stirred in Arthur’s groin and he pulled the sheets up to his chest. “O- okay. Sure. Yeah. We can… we can do that again. Soon. Maybe. Or not. Look, do you want to go get some coffee?”

He started to get out of bed, but the Tick’s hand on his arm stopped him. “I think coffee can wait, chum.”

Arthur’s eyes widened. The Tick turning down coffee was…. “Is everything okay, Tick? Do you…. Let’s talk about last night, okay? I mean, I don’t really know what to say. This isn’t easy for me to talk about. I’ve never really…. I mean, I’ve wanted to. But, you know, dealing with all the- ”

“Breathe, chum.” Tick’s smile was warm and Arthur felt something let go just a little bit inside of him at the sight.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, Arthur! You can be nervous and still fight the good fight!” The Tick scooted up the bed and turned over so he was leaning next to Arthur, face turned towards him.

“I know. I know I can. But this is just… you know?”

“No, I don’t know. But that’s why we’re here. Talking.”

It was hard to imagine the Tick being one for talking much about anything. He was more of a doer. Not that he didn’t run off at the mouth all the time when Arthur wished he wouldn’t, but it was usually surface stuff. This was… deep. Scary. Territory best avoided.

“Okay. So. We… did stuff. Last night. I guess technically it was this morning?” Arthur rubbed his eyes. “I…. How did it make you feel, Tick?”

“Great!”

“You kinda went a little… weird there at the end. Do you want to talk about that part?”

The Tick’s eyes went a bit distant and his smile melted. “Your face….” he breathed.

“My face?” Arthur remembered sitting on the floor, his cheeks burning, horrified and mesmerised, while... stuff... ran down his chin. He started picking at a run in the comforter. “Oh.”

“You were a thing of wonder, chum. I think I went a bit upside down in my brain for a minute.”

“Oh. Oh, wow. Okay. I- ” Arthur still couldn’t meet the Tick’s gaze.

“I didn’t know you could look like that, Arthur. I didn’t know I could feel like that.”

“Right. So.” Arthur's gut was churning, and he wasn’t sure if he never wanted to leave this bed again, or if he couldn’t get out fast enough.

“I feel like I’m remembering something, Arthur.”

“What?”

“Something about my past!”

“What!”

“I… don’t know. It’s a feeling. Like maybe… I’ve felt this way before. Have we done this before?”

“What? No. I mean, not before last night.”

“Hmm.” The Tick scratched at his chin absently.

“Maybe… maybe if we do it again, it might… jog your memory,” Arthur offered. It had to be his crotch talking. Arthur Everest did not say things like that. Did he?

“That is an excellent suggestion, my dearest friend!”

“Oh. Great. Okay. Well. What do you…. How do you….”

“We should do the face eating thing!”

“Kissing, Tick. It’s called kissing. And. Yeah. Okay. We can-”

Arthur’s field of vision turned blue as a set of pearly white chompers collided with his own in a painful clack. “Mmpfh. Tick. Ow! Not so…. Gentle, okay? Please don’t break my teeth.”

“It’s called passion, chum!”

Arthur rubbed at his sore mouth. “Passion and pain don’t go together, Tick. Not in this bed, anyway. I don’t…. I’m not really into that.”

“Okay, Arthur! We’ll do this your way!”

“Please don’t tell me you’re into…. Oh god, how would you even know that. No. Okay. Gentle. Right.”

“Show me the way, Arthur! I will follow!”

Arthur leaned in and planted a gentle - but passionate - kiss on the Tick’s lips. It didn’t take long before his motor was running hot and hard, and he was ready for more. He cracked open an eye as the lip tango continued, eyeing the Tick’s crotch. No sign of that whirling vortex before the “big reveal”. Nothing but the same impenetrable expanse of blue armor stared back at him. He lost his rhythm in the kiss, and the Tick pulled back.

“I lost you there, little buddy.”

“No, uh, it’s just….” Arthur wiped a hand across his brows. “I just. How do we…. You know. Like before. How does that work?” He gestured vaguely in the general direction of the Tick’s groin.

“Ohhh. You want to suck face on my other face!”

“Yeah, I…. Wait, what?” Arthur scrunched up his nose. “You know what? Never mind. Just…. Are you even? Should I…?” He reached a hand down tentatively and rested it on the Tick’s hip. It was solid, unyielding, but warm and faintly… vibrating? Was the Tick shaking with nerves? Or was something else going on?

“I think you missed,” Tick said, looking down at Arthur’s hand with amusement.

That sounded like a challenge to Arthur, and he slid his hand - also shaking - until it rested firmly over the armor plate at the juncture of the Tick’s thighs. He imagined he could feel something stirring in there, and the anticipation of what might happen had his dick thrumming.

He left his hand there and snuck a glance up at Tick’s face. That same small smug smile looked down at him. His heart gave a funny little tug in his chest, which was probably the scariest part of this whole thing, and he distracted himself by rubbing his hand up and down on the Tick’s groin.

The Tick gave a tiny gasp and then let out a moan. “Keep going, chum. That way leads to salvation.”

Arthur stopped rubbing and frowned. “You know what? I’m just going to….” He shook his head and went back to rubbing. He’d probably never get used to some of the weird -isms that the Tick had, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t… do these things, right? This was a pretty fun development in their relationship, even if Arthur didn’t want to examine the emotions behind it too closely right now.

He could feel something stirring beneath his fingers as the vibration grew stronger. The Tick was panting now, his eyes pressed closed as his hips rocked gently in rhythm with Arthur’s strokes. And then it happened. The front of his suit just… melted away. Arthur could feel it dissolve beneath his fingers, and soon it was replaced by the tip of an impressively large, blue-tinged cock.

Arthur let out a gasp. He could feel himself salivating, remember the taste and weight of it in his mouth. His own cock was straining at the front of his boxers, and he wanted it free, right now.

“Tick, take my boxers off,” he commanded, shoving the sheets down in a hurry.

The Tick’s eyes cracked open and he gave a delighted chuckle. “Easy there, little buddy. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Arthur took his hand off of Tick’s dick. “G-get ahead of ourselves?” Was Tick having second thoughts? Was Arthur pushing this too far, too fast? Only hours ago, he hadn’t even been sure he wanted any of this to happen, and here he was practically throwing himself at his questionably human roommate. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, rolling away.

“Where are you going, little buddy?”

“I- I didn’t mean to push things so fast.”

“I’d say it was more of a pulling things so fast.”

It took Arthur a moment to realize what the Tick was saying, and he turned back, a worried look on his face. “What?”

The Tick was grinning. His dick was still standing proudly out of his suit, and it gave a little twitch as Arthur glanced at it. “I’m only saying if you’re going to disrobe yourself, you should give me a try, too.”

Arthur stared. “What? You mean you want me to…. How?”

The Tick pointed to his face with one stubby blue digit. He smiled encouragingly.

Arthur looked at him and swallowed. He lifted one hand and touched the Tick’s cheek, feeling the warm stubble rasp against his fingertips. “Like this?”  
The Tick nodded, his eyelids drooping in pleasure at the contact. Something strange was happening. The edges of the Tick’s suit around his face started to loosen, as though whatever attached them to his skin was melting away. Arthur ran his fingers over the curves, letting the tips slip under the edge of the firm blue material. The Tick let out a sigh.

“Is this okay?” Arthur asked.

The Tick nodded. “Be careful,” he whispered, his eyes falling closed.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Arthur let his hand fall, but the Tick grabbed it in his own and guided it back up to his face.

“Just be careful,” he repeated, eyes still closed.

Arthur took in a deep breath and let his fingers slide under the edges of the mask again. There was the tiniest bit of resistance, as though the material were pushing back against his fingertips, but he pushed just a bit harder and it yielded to him.

The Tick let out a strange noise, guttural and half pleased. Arthur paused, waiting for a signal to stop, but none came. He lifted his other hand to the opposite side of the Tick’s face and let his fingers slide further in, feeling the heat of skin and something slightly damp on the inside of the suit. He was up to his palms now, and he could feel something like… hair?

“Tick?” he whispered. “Should I keep going?”

“Mmm.”

Arthur lifted his hands slightly until he was separating the crown of the mask from the Tick’s head. He could feel just the slightest bit of resistance, and then the material gave way, sliding off the back of the Tick’s head and pooling at the back of his neck like a hood.

A man’s face stared back at Arthur, flattened dark hair sticking out at the sides, and faint reddish marks where the edges of the mask had sat against the skin.

“Woah,” Arthur breathed.

“Woah,” the Tick echoed, opening his eyes. “That feels… great! Strange. But great! Like a breeze is blowing where no breeze has blown before!”

“You have hair,” Arthur said.

The Tick’s face crumpled and he reached up a hand to feel the top of his head. “I have hair.”

“You do.” Arthur nodded, brows furrowed.

“I have hair,” the Tick repeated with a mixture of disappointment and wonder. 

Arthur reached up a hand and ran his fingers through it, unable to help the grin on his face. “I like it.”

“We can’t tell anyone about this, Arthur.” The Tick looked at him worriedly, and his dick was already starting to retract.

“No. No, no, no. We won’t tell anyone, Tick. I promise. This is ours.” He reached out and grabbed the Tick’s hand, squeezing it in his own. “Just you and me.”

That seemed to instill some relief, and the Tick’s smile came back.

“This is…. I really like this.” Arthur couldn’t believe how turned on he was. The Tick was… handsome. He’d always had some kind of weirdly magnetic good looks, even beneath the mask and the exasperating naïveté. Arthur had refused to let himself look too closely at that, but now that the mask was off, he couldn’t stop himself. His dick throbbed and his heart pounded in his chest, and it was all he could do to stop from throwing himself onto the big blue man and devouring him whole. He settled for leaning forward and kissing him again, launching an immediate attack with his tongue into a very warm, very yielding mouth.

Arthur slung a leg over the Tick’s lap until he was straddling him, the tip of his cock brushing against the front of the Tick’s abdominal armor just enough to send sharp spikes of pleasure through him.

“Oh god,” he breathed. “This is. I can’t- I want- Please, Tick. Please.”

The Tick seemed almost overwhelmed by the onslaught, but his face was flushed and he was breathing loudly, and his hands wrapped around Arthur’s waist, holding him firmly in his lap. “Tell me what you want, little buddy.”

“I want- You. Please. Touch me. All over. Take this- ” Arthur reached down and roughly yanked his t-shirt off over his head. “-off!”

“It seems you’ve beaten me to the punch there,” the Tick remarked.

“Oh, there’s still punch, Tick. There’s still punch.” Arthur, emboldened, pushed the Tick’s hands down his waist until they ran into the elastic of his boxers. “Take these off of me, please. I want you to do it.”

Something was poking at Arthur’s balls, and he looked down with delight to find the Tick’s solid shaft was making a reappearance right under him. “Oh god,” he groaned.

The Tick’s fingers slid under the waistband of his boxers, pulling it out and away from his skin. Arthur arched forward, letting the Tick’s hands slide around to his backside, where they cupped his ass.

“Please,” Arthur hissed again.

“Mmm, squishy!” the Tick remarked, giving Arthur’s butt a squeeze. “I like these round globes of joy, Arthur. I like them a lot!”

“Ah, yes,” Arthur panted. “You'd like them a lot better if you’d take… off….” He reached back and covered the Tick’s hands with his own, shoving the boxers off over his ass. They were still caught on his erection in front, but he moved the Tick’s hands around to his hipbones, and used them to guide the waistband down over his dick, which popped back up with a satisfying spring. Arthur nearly came right there.

He buried his head against the Tick’s chest, breathing hard. He reached up, meaning to wrap his arms around the Tick’s neck, but he found the suit had slid off even further. It slipped easily away from the Tick’s neck and down his shoulders, exposing a broad chest peppered with dark hairs that was straight out of one of Arthur’s forbidden fantasies.

He made an unintelligible noise, his hips thrusting forward until his dick rubbed against the front of the Tick’s suit.

“That’s right, little buddy,” the Tick encouraged. “You give me the good fight.”

“I’ll… give you a good fight,” Arthur gasped. He scooted back just a hair, freeing the Tick’s solid cock from beneath him so that it could stand tall in front of his own. He thrust into it, grasping both dicks in his hands, and started to jerk. “This… this is a battle we’re both… we’re both gonna win, Tick. Just watch.”

It was hard to get the thrusts and tugs timed just right, but he found their rhythm after a few attempts, and then it was only a short ride to the finish line.

He could feel his orgasm building inside him with the force of something wild behind it. Like a tornado building in his gut. He leaned forward, kissing the Tick for all he was worth, senseless cries escaping from his mouth, and then he let his mouth slide down to the Tick’s chest, sucking and licking as he bucked his hips into the slick circle formed by his hands and the Tick’s thick cock.

The Tick was saying something, but Arthur couldn’t make it out. His name, maybe? It didn’t matter. He felt his orgasm escape him like a punch, and suddenly his hands were flooded with cum, too much for just him. He felt the Tick’s hands clenching his ass so hard it would leave marks the next day, and he looked down in time to see the geyser of spunk erupting from the Tick’s dick.

“Arthur!” the Tick’s shout was so loud it was impossible that the entire apartment complex didn’t hear it.

Of course, they’d probably just assume Arthur was in trouble again, door busted down by more inept villains or needy superheroes gone rogue. He started laughing, gasping as he came down from the high, letting his forehead collapse against the Tick’s chest.

“What is it, chum?” the Tick asked, one hand coming up to cradle the back of Arthur’s head. “Did we break you?”

“Oh yeah, you broke me, Tick,” Arthur said, still chuckling to himself. “I’m totally broken. You’re going to have to fix me later.”

“I think I can do that, chum.” Arthur could feel him smiling against his hair. “First, we should go get you cleaned up.” There was a pause. “Me too. We’re a mess, Arthur!” There was laughter in the Tick’s voice.

Arthur looked up, unable to keep the grin off his face. “See, I told you sex could be fun.”

“And to think, you didn’t even want to give me a demonstration!”

“Don’t worry, I think there will be lots of demonstrations in the future, Tick. There are a lot more things we need to… demonstrate.” He ran a hand down the Tick’s bare chest in amazement. “For starters, just how to get you out of this suit more often.”

The Tick didn’t say anything for a moment, and Arthur looked up to find him gazing down at him with the expression he reserved for puppies and… well, and Arthur. “Not all words that end in ‘shun’ are bad, are they, huh, chum?”

“What?”

“Demonstration, for one.”

“Yeah, that’s a pretty good one, Tick.”

“Passion.”

Arthur nodded. “Emotion,” he added.

“Explosion.” The Tick grinned, looking down at the mess between them.

Arthur laughed. “Here’s to many more demonstrations of explosions. The good kind, that is.”

“I’ll drink to that, chum!” The Tick stood, lifting Arthur with him, and carried him off in search of that brown morning libation… and a shower. Maybe even together.

THE END


End file.
